Fighting like cats and dogs with the person you thought you would love until the end?
Feeling hurt and betrayed by someone you thought you could trust?
Want to feel closer to the one you love?
Couples therapy is the most dynamic and in-the-moment way to get real-time feedback, instruction, and relief.
Love Turned to Something Else
Many couples have gotten into destructive patterns of relating to each other and can’t get out of the rut.
By the time most people call for a couples therapy appointment, they are feeling frustrated, worn down and close to hopeless.
This was supposed to be fun, connected, and beautiful, right? What happened??
What was supposed to be love has turned into resentment, competition, hurt, or loneliness.
Learn to Take a “Time Out”
You don’t need to pay a therapist to watch you keep doing what you’ve always done.
But if you are ready to slow down and do something different…
… then you might just get your money’s worth out of couples therapy!
When they start, many couples ask, “Are we like other couples or are we really messed up? Is this normal?”
Well, let’s see…
Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing
These are Bruce Tuckman’s words that describe a model for how groups (including couples) form and the dynamics that ensue. Let’s take a look at what these look like for the couple:
Forming is so fun!
Going out together and finding out you both like the same music and laugh at the same things… sex is new and fun – and so hot! You even like each other’s friends!
The chemistry is crackling! It feels as though everything you wanted is finally here!
Inevitably, if you hang out together long enough, you will start to disagree and not be on your best behavior all the time. You start to find out your love is not the perfect answer to all your prayers.
Is it the end of it all?
Maybe… but maybe not. It is usually just the natural beginning of real intimacy. If you get to know someone and you still like them, then there is hope for some really good stuff!
What would it be like to be in a couple and not lose yourself or your voice or your opinions… and still be loved?
Maybe you could heal some old wounds and create something fulfilling.
Maybe you could learn to love and respect each other, celebrate your differences, and enjoy all the things you have in common.
Maybe you discover that you have “lived and learned” and now know more clearly what works and what doesn’t for you in a relationship… so you move on.
If you got over the hump of some initial storming and found that you still like each other a lot after you ironed out your differences, then you are in the “norming” phase.
Excellent! And congratulations!
This phase feels better; but it can also alarm some people, because they fear it will become boring or not as fun. That can happen.
And, guess what… more storming will happen, too. But it doesn’t have to be the end.
Everyone dreams of being in a high-performing couple. I mean, people don’t consciously get into a relationship to feel worse, do they?
“Relationship goals” is not just a caption under a picture of a happy and beautiful couple on Instagram.
You communicate well, you travel well, you agree on most things, and you even argue well!
Are you perfect?
Of course not, but you are good enough partners and communicators – and you’re still in the game, and you are enjoying it!
You Need Skills to Get to “Performing”
Most of us yearn for connection and a fulfilling life with a companion whom we adore! That, my friends, takes effort (and that is not a bad word), and it takes SKILLS, too.
Learning how to better control your impulses, manage your own distress, and breathe through your urge to get defensive can feel like impossible tasks.
Many couples need some help with their storming and could use some direction and hope to get to the norming phase. Others have been norming for years and want to focus on performing better together.
Wherever you are, I can give you the exploratory space and the relationship skills you need to take care of and improve your life with your partner.
Let’s Get Your Relationship Back on Track
You don’t brush your teeth once, and you’re done for the rest of your life, right?
Your teeth, and your relationships, require a lot of daily hygiene to be healthy and go the distance.
When you love someone, the effort and attention you give can feel really good – and the reward is awesome!
Are there any guarantees? Nope, but wouldn’t it feel good to know you gave it your all?
Let’s start your journey to a better relationship today. Call me: (323) 363-9237